I’m happy to let you vent! We all need it sometimes.

It’s sad, but not surprising, that there are still people trying to simplify autism to the degree that blame is laid at the footsteps of parents. I certainly believe that we may share some of the personality traits that we see in our children but it’s ridiculous to say that our personality traits are the sole (or even primary) factor in or children’s development. It’s not that simple.

Okay, here is the thing, our son has been diagnosed with MANY things throughout the years, beginning at age 5 by some “quack” excuse of a so-called doctor, with Attention Defecit Hyperactivity Disorder, Anger Defiance, Oppositional Defiance, blah blah blah…FINALLY when he was 11 he was PROPERLY tested thoroughly by an Occupational Therapist for over a month long series of many tests, and he said “What! Did these people never conduct this test nor that test! Your child has been treated for this with what drugs? Could they not see that the drugs were not working at all? Did they not listen to you when you complained about the side-effects and lack of progress or help? Your son is NOT ADHD nor any of those things. He has a form of autism, Asberger’s Disorder along with Central Auditory Processing Disorder and anxiety. He could also benefit from vision therapy as I noticed the way he visualizes things in spacial testing his eyes tend to be working differently.”

So, with his assessments and findings we also had an Educational Analyst work with the school to find an appropriate educational program and classroom setting that would work best for our son. With the visual therapy and aides things began to improve dramatically for our son and throughout his schooling from his Home School setting at the 6th grade level we had to get him into for reason I will not discuss here, into his private school, and he even began learning socialization and conversational techniques. The visual therapy proved remarkable as well and his writing and work improved.

So with the diagnosis, it is still hard to place our son into just “one category” as like many of us, he has a multitude of issues but now that he is getting older, 17 now, is coming along quite well with the many techniques available to him and the teachers that teach.

Bonni, your husband sounds like my husband exactly! He says the same thing, “As my very geeky husband notes, it’s only a problem if it’s a problem. We work on the problems, and the rest, well, some people just aren’t like everyone else.”

And also, identifying myself and how I have in the past and even now deal with certain social situations has helped me to understand my son’s social anxieties. My husband too, dislikes social gatherings. They leave him feeling utterly drained as they do I.

We work on the “Reward” program as it has proven most successful in helping our son realize that, “when he bahaves appropriately he gets not only rewards but praise and feels good about himself” Whatever we do, there is so much to learn. The learning truly never ends, which is one reason I am glad to have found this website, so thank you to the creator/s of this wonderfully informative place for information and sharing of ideas.

There are a number of others in the family who have decidedly Aspie traits, in previous generations and the current one, which leads me to believe that there is some sort of genetic link (although I don’t pretend to know what it is; it’s probably a combination of things).

Because of my own “differentness”, I really do feel that I have some better understanding of my daughter’s issues than maybe more neurotypical parents have. I can identify with being “in your own world” and being more interested in what you’re doing and thinking than in what you “should” be doing or thinking, just to name a couple of traits.

I also happen to believe that “different” is not equal to “bad”, and while I certainly want to help my daughter overcome the issues that are problematic (the fact that she has very limited communication, for example), I know for certain that different is just different, and that sometimes, different is GOOD.

As my very geeky husband notes, it’s only a problem if it’s a problem. We work on the problems, and the rest, well, some people just aren’t like everyone else.

One final thought is that my husband is a programmer and works in a very geeky environment. When he takes time off to attend some sort of thing for/with our daughter (doctor’s appointments, various tests, etc.), he arranges it with his boss, who is most definitely an Aspie (probably undiagnosed, but absolutely all the signs are there). His boss, upon hearing that our daughter is autistic, said, “Well, you know, probably most of the people on this floor have some degree of autism,” and he’s almost certainly right.