A view of autism from along the spectrum

I love gadgets, but I’ve never been enamored with cell phones. I’ve had a one for about 3 years, but I’ve never gotten as much use out of as I’d like. I got very weak coverage at home, no coverage at work, and dropped calls as I drove between the two. With the large number of challenges the family has faced over the past few months, it was no longer good enough. I needed to be reachable, no matter where I was. What follows is how I made it work.

Here’s what I wanted: a phone and service with great coverage at a good price. I wanted it to work in every room in my house and every part of my office. I didn’t care about cameras, mp3 players, downloadable video or anything else that didn’t make it a better phone. The only exception was Bluetooth to use with a wireless headset, primarily for my wife who uses her phone a lot.

I could have just read Consumer Reports and bought the highest rated phone from the highest rated carrier. That’s where the search eventually finished. In the meantime, I personally tried 6 different phones from three different carriers, often side by side. I compared these with several other phones and carriers used by friends and family.

I started with Cingular, my previous carrier. My experience confirmed what Consumer Reports said, that static is a very common. My old phones had lots of static, and a new, highly rated phone from Motorola had just as much. It gave me coverage in just about every room at home but little to nothing at my office. I sent the phone back.

I then ordered two different phones from Sprint. For some reason, Sprint’s phone selection is much more limited than Cingular and Verizon. As it turns out, the ones I got were not rated very highly for coverage. I had one from Samsung and one from Sanyo. They were OK, with good (but not great) coverage at the office and fair coverage at home. There was no static. Maybe different phones would have met may needs.

I went to Verizon last, only because I was able to get discounted rates from other two carriers. I got a pair of Motorola 815 phones and they do everything I need them to do. I get coverage in the center of my office building, all the rooms in my house, and no static. The comercials are right, it’s all about the network. At least where I live, the Verizon coverage is measurably better than the others. I sent the other phones back to Sprint.

My had the new phones just in time. Within a week of getting them, we were making multiple trips to the ER followed by daily hospital visits when one of the boys had a two week stay. The cell phones became invaluable.

New Motorala cell phone: $50. Activation fee: $25. Borg-like Bluetooth headset: $50. Being able to connect with my wife as we split the parenting duties: Priceless.

I moved my blog from one host to another last weekend. I kept an eye on the web site statistics on each site over the past week to make sure the traffic was directed to the new site. As I made my final checks today, I took a look at the search satistics on the new host. It was there that I noticed that one reader found my site this week by entering the following into a search engine:

is it ok to play with snow for autistic children?

Unfortunately for the reader, I don’t think I’ve ever answered that question directly. So, in case he or she returns:

YES!

And just in case it was a two-part question:

Its ok for you to play with snow too!

Same blog, different host. If you’re reading this, you’re looking at the updated site. Comments are open again.

I’m going off-line briefly while I switch hosting services. All traffic should be directed to the new server in within a day or so.

Here in New England, digging out usually refers to what we do after one of the Nor’easters roll through. Even the worst snowstorm I’ve seen required only about a day and a half to dig out. This storm has taken longer.

My family is digging out of what has been a particularly intense storm. I haven’t blogged about the details, because as my boys get older, I recognize that I need to be able to respect their privacy, even if I’m not concerned with my own. I also hate to dwell on the low points of parenting.

Nonetheless, I’ve come to call the family scene of the past few months ‘crisis mode’. It’s a situation in which all the normal rules get thrown out and we make up new ones as we go along. There’s no maps, the roads are unfamiliar, and the GPS doesn’t work. Most families get into this situation at one point or another. It’s not unique to families dealing with autism.

Oddly enough, parenting children with autism has prepared me to weather the recent storms. I learned how to be flexible, in ways that I didn’t think were possible. I learned to face the crisis with a strength that I didn’t know I had. The storms feed on the winds of emotion but we can still act with our own emotions in check. We bundle up and head out, turning away from the wind and the icy snow it carries. We’ve been here before and we’ve learned that no matter how deep the snow gets, we still pick up the same shovel. The tools are the same, it just takes more work to finish the job.

The Nor’easter metaphor seems out of place as the day lilies and the herb garden come back to life. It’s been nine days since it last snowed in Connecticut. And seven days since we dug the path out from our own storm. We’re all together again. We spent part of the day nurturing the plants in the yard back to life after winter. We spent the entire day nurturing each other. The boys may not have realized it, but I did.

I’m always looking for new insight and new perspectives that can help me become a better parent. About a week ago, I picked up a book and rediscovered some energy and enthusiasm that’s been eluding me.

I find the most helpful sources of motivation come from people presenting ideas that differ from my own in incremental ways. I use my own perspective and experience as a base, adding new ideas and approaches over time.

The people that provide the most valuable influence on me are those that have qualities of a coach. The techniques used by a coach are different than those we typically associate with similar roles of a teacher, parent, or boss, although a true coach might be found in any of those roles. A coach guides us by drawing strength from inside ourselves and using it to build change one step at a time. A coach lets his enthusiasm seep out and impact those around him (or her!). A coach leads and points the way, but it’s up to us to follow and make the journey on our own. A coach teaches us but the impact remains after the coach is gone.

I’ve listened to quite a few professionals who speak to parents of autistic children. A few have left me significantly more energized and enthusiastic about continuing my quest to become a better parent and help nurture my own children. The first I encountered was Dr. Steve Guttstein. A two day seminar with Dr. Guttstein gave me some fresh insights and charged me up for connecting with my kids in some new ways. I left a one day seminar with Dr. Tony Atwood and Carol Gray with renewed strength in my role as a parent. I’m finding a similar sense of energy from Ross Greene’s book “The Explosive Child”. I feel like a baseball player getting tips from a batting coach. I’ve got a good swing already, but a change here, and a tweak there, and maybe I’ll improve my batting average.

Well, beat the drum and hold the phone – the sun came out today!
We’re born again, there’s new grass on the field. . .

Oh, put me in, Coach – I’m ready to play today

- John Fogerty – Centerfield – 1985

(As I wrote this I remembered it was Opening Day. And in case you’re wondering, the Red Sox won!)