A view of autism from along the spectrum

As I wrote a few weeks ago, MJ has been participating on a panel of adolescents, teens, and young adults speaking in public about their experiences on the autism spectrum. MJ spoke as part of another panel last week. As I wrote about last time, someone who appeared to have very good intentions in mind, asked another “wrong question”. A couple told of a nephew with autism and their sadness that he couldn’t communicate with them and asked something along the lines of “how can I help him speak so he can communicate with us?”

The moderator occasionally tosses some of the questions to one of the parents of the younger panelists. I happened to be sitting next to the couple and could hardly contain myself from jumping up and answering. Instead, I waited patiently (ok, not very) while the moderator passed the question to other parent to answer. The mother talked about getting to know the child better and being supportive, gently working her way up to the real answer:

“You need to change your view of communication. It’s not just speaking. There are many ways to communicate and while you are waiting for nephew to speak, you’re missing the ways that he is communicating with you. Find out the ways that he communicates and learn to understand what he is saying, even if he doesn’t speak.”

I could tell the couple was disappointed in the answer. I leaned over and spoke a few words of encouragement. They obviously cared about their nephew and wanted to learn (or they wouldn’t have even been there), but their expectations were off. Hopefully they will continue to learn and grow and adapt to their nephew rather than expecting him to change for them.

A few months ago, I wrote about people in Connecticut that were making a difference for individuals on the spectrum. MJ participates in a program called the FOCUS Alternative Learning Center that is run by one of the people I wrote about. FOCUS is a lot of things but is most simply described as an extended day program for kids on the spectrum. It’s a place where kids can be themselves, surrounded by supportive staff and their true peers, not the neurotypical peers that are usually thrust upon them. The kids at FOCUS often describe one of their biggest challenges is that other people don’t understand them. The FOCUS program is filled with people that understand them.

I immediately thought of the FOCUS program, and the adults and kids involved, when I saw the following on TV tonight. It’s so relevant that I’m going to risk being a shill for a credit card company and post a commercial on my blog.

While doing some casual surfing this evening, I found link to an article titled Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts. It’s on a blog about self improvement written by Brian Kim.

The themes in Mr. Kim’s post are very similar to those that many of us write about in relation to autism: acceptance, understanding, and avoiding judgments. He describes, in general terms, that introverts think differently than extroverts (just in case the extroverts reading the post are lacking in Theory of Mind).

Since I first heard the term neurodiversity, I understood that it applies to all of us, not just those on the spectrum. Mr. Kim has shown that he understands about neurodiversity, even if he’s never heard the term.